The Assorted Press Archives

These gems are too good just to allow them to drift off into cyberspace.  

The Editor of The Assorted Press (pictured above) is known by many names (mostly invented), but we know him as Fritz.

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The Best of Fritz

TAP reports a surprise move; Nigeria elects former Internet scam artist as president --- Fritz ( 03/24/2006, 11:56:57 )
The Assorted Press covers alarming Nazi rally in mid Berlin - Adolph Hitler II addresses crowd --- Fritz ( 03/07/2006, 12:57:26 )
Want to win a George Clooney Bobble-head doll from Cindy Sheehan's gang? (A TAP report.) --- Fritz ( 03/01/2006, 16:22:48 )
A tale of two giant pussies, one from Drudge, one from TAP --- Fritz ( 02/21/2006, 16:11:51 )
Assorted Press Voices, TAP question of the day: "Should Right Mind posters feed the trolls? --- Fritz ( 02/15/2006, 10:54:51 )
Assorted Press investigative reporter reveals identity of Kuni the troll --- Fritz ( 02/12/2006, 18:31:29 )
The Assorted Press interviews Mother Nature about the big snow storm --- Fritz ( 02/12/2006, 15:02:51 )
"Dear ACLU, the American justice system is violating my religious freedom"........ letter from a jailed fundamentalist Muslim (TAP report) --- Fritz ( 02/06/2006, 15:10:59 )
Confronted by TAP; Ted Kennedy denies Paternity allegation --- Fritz ( 02/04/2006, 12:33:19 )
The Assorted Press has obtained a copy of the GOP campaign ad due to run on TV and radio stations targeting Julian Bond's NAACP voters --- Fritz ( 02/03/2006, 14:01:35 )
OK Whitey, here's a TAP article concerning the Constitution with some changes the Democrats may want in the Bill of Rights --- Fritz ( 01/24/2006, 23:16:09 )
Hillary tells The Assorted Press; she will "beat Condi Rice in 2008" --- Fritz ( 01/23/2006, 14:24:20 )
The Assorted Press visits with Mr. New Vision, anti-American Bush basher and ardent booster of Communist China --- Fritz ( 01/20/2006, 17:27:12 )
Saddam's lawyer, Ramsey Clark, offers billions to anti-war protesters and other Islamo-fascist sympathizers --- Fritz ( 12/29/2005, 11:25:44 )
9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt rules the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional --- Fritz ( 12/20/2005, 12:05:34 )
An interview with Shanda Leer, some times known as Sandy  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Do you resent forum "private messages" or e-mails, are you above petty party politics, is your name Issodhos?  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Satan has a few words concerning Posters at Right Minds & the late unlamented Patriot forum - "Why does everyone hate Satan?" --- Fritz ( 11/25/2005, 22:27:35 )
Michael Moore's combination wet dream and nightmare --- Fritz (Unknown)
Hey ‘Bob’, did you know Michael Moore is suing Al Franken? --- (Eric Kirk is defending Franken) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Had to post this today; From today’s real Associated Press (with a follow up) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Is there a real terror threat or not? --- Some of our lawmakers are not sure --- Fritz (Unknown)
Three top hard-Left Democrats will have special wing just for them --- Fritz (Unknown)
About those Liberal history revisionists who plan to place new texts in American schools for “balance” --- Fritz (Unknown)
Al Gore, "The Mother Theresa of politics" -- were we wrong about Al? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Grampa Right's reporting on Michael Jackson makes the news --- Fritz (Unknown)
The true story behind the Tom Clancy and General Zinni "deal" --- Fritz (Unknown)
If you like the teacher’s union (NEA), you’ll love this "No Dollar Left Behind" campaign
That "other forum" fails to make it on TV --- Fritz (Unknown)
Speaking of religion: No virgins for these three dead Muslim terrorists --- Fritz (Unknown)
Strange weekend thoughts from a moderate (or centrist) poster in a Conservative forum --- Fritz (Unknown)
3,000 Bleeding Heart Liberal-Democrats live it up while attending summit for the poor in Haiti --- Fritz (Unknown)
Piss poor planning produces piss poor protests -- I'm pretty pissed off at bleeding heart liberal protesters today (are we allowed to say pissed?) --- Fritz (Unknown)
The Democrat's 'Burning Question': Will Ted Kennedy Beat Rush on Radio? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Now it can be told; Why Hillary did not murder President Bill Clinton --- Fritz (Unknown)
The tale of two stories, one from the NY Times & one from The Assorted Press (TAP) --- Fritz (Unknown)
President Bush considers replacing CIA chief - How does Maxwell Smart sound to replace Tenet at CIA? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Senator Dole left the Senate to run for president - "No class" Kerry is "AWOL" from the Senate voting only IF it helps his campaign --- Fritz (Unknown)
Now we know what the problem is at that - "other forum" --- Fritz (Unknown)
John Kerry refuses to comment on charges that Conservatives "hacked" or broke the "Patriot -Masters" Forum --- Fritz (Unknown)
Fragments of an early liberal hominid skull found in western Massachusetts --- Fritz (Unknown)
Saddam Hussein, The Democratic Party, The NY Times, and CNN all seem to agree - "the real criminal is Bush". --- Fritz (Unknown)
Saddam Hussein, though in jail, wants to participate in the Democrat convention as a “Blogger” --- Fritz (Unknown)
Will Colin Powell leave the Bush administration in 2005 to take up a singing career? Envious Harry Belafonte complains --- Fritz (Unknown)
As well as the farm vote, Kerry is looking for the Amish vote; he wants to give them video games at taxpayer expense --- Fritz (Unknown)
Kerry says Democrats have the answer to Bush’s failed economy – (a plan based on an actual stupid NEA “concept”) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Kerry picks trial lawyer Edwards as running mate - Edwards immediately files class action suit against Pres. Bush  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Have you ever waited 2 hours past your appointment time to see the Doctor? The Assorted Press visits the doctor --- Fritz (Unknown)
We have not heard the last of Michael Moore yet, he may be named Saddam Hussein’s press agent  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Bush & Kerry find room for agreement in unique solution for the future of Iraq --- Fritz (Unknown)
Michael Moore seeks atonement, will now make film celebrating defeat of Saddam Hussein --- Fritz (Unknown)
The Teachers Union convinces Kerry & Edwards if and when elected to enlarge Great Society Head Start Program  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Oops, GOP pulls Kerry-Edwards "Gay" TV ad --- Fritz (Unknown)
The thoughts and social commentary of an unnamed ex-socialist as told to the Assorted Press......(not all parody) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Buying stuff from a salesgirl with a pierced tongue, crimson brushcut hair and low-rider jeans that reveal a dragon tattoo on her upper buttocks --- Fritz (Unknown)
The oft-lampooned Rev. Jesse Jackson the "Rainbow-Push" extortionist, now a Kerry "advisor" --- Fritz (Unknown)
New x-ray machine for detecting suicide bombers sees your arse through individual clothes (Drudge).... The Assorted Press has obtained one --- Fritz (Unknown)
Hillary Gives Up Presidential Hopes For Now – says she will visit our troops to sing and tap dance for them --- Fritz (Unknown)
Martha Stewart says I have been persecuted like Nelson Mandela, "I haven't cheated anybody" - her troop of lawyers file strange appeal today --- Fritz (Unknown)
Amazing grace in the labyrinth and how the Unitarians found it there - (a "Joint" venture by Teebone & Fritz) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Want to get a free Michael Moore bobble-head doll? --- Fritz (Unknown)
GOP to spend millions on Nader as Dems try to keep Nader off Texas ballot ? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Taking a lead from Ozzie Osborne, another wannabe celebrity makes an obscenity-laced statement bashing  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Bush --- Fritz (Unknown)
Unbelievable, dead celebrities are now bashing Bush --- Fritz (Unknown)
Howard Stern and other Liberal celebrities claim President Bush is, “Out to get them” --- Fritz (Unknown)
Armstrong Wins & French officials Will Feature New Approach if Champ Decides to Compete Again --- Fritz (Unknown)
Robert “KKK” Byrd - a bloviating, bigoted thief of other people's money says he still “grieves for his country” & the GOP wants to unfairly target Democrats --- Fritz (Unknown)
Assorted Press on the scene at the Democrat Convention to ask a tough question  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Assorted Press picture scoop; Incident where John Kerry takes time to harass Marines eating lunch  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Announced today: If Elected, Kerry promises to use wife's money to protect terrorism targets in New York --- Fritz (Unknown)
Russ was pushing buttons & it was a slow news day so TAP went into the streets to ask some ordinary Americans a question --- Fritz (Unknown)
Walter Cronkite switches to Conservatism - Says, "It's the American thing to do" --- Fritz (Unknown)
A liberal organization calls for a "Be nice to Muslim Fundamentalists Day"; for more diversity: (TAP has a question) --- Fritz (Unknown)
I noticed that the Left is attempting to shift the blame for 9/11 from terrorists to American business and or government - the latest --- Fritz (Unknown)
The British cloned a lamb called Dolly, Americans cloned cute kittens in California - the French clone two cowardly rats --- Fritz (Unknown)
A post by Jenny and a suggestion by Grampa Right produces the latest ASSORTED PRESS article - "Bush sends Sharon Stone to Guantanamo" --- Fritz (Unknown)
Harvard Announces New School; The James McGreevey School for Gay Adulterous Politicians --- Fritz (Unknown)
Kerry considers annexation of Canada as 51st state - based on the idea of Russ, Tee & Clayton (Note: Kerry advisors always check the RM forum for ideas) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Remember, I told you all last week that an angry Kerry might do something like this? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Assorted Press Reports Sen. Kerry to Undergo Surgery Wednesday --- Fritz (Unknown)
Court Acquits Kerry in Mooning Incident --- Fritz (Unknown)
Revealed, secret DNC instructions to GOP Convention anarchist protesters --- Fritz (Unknown)
An interesting story you may have missed: "Protesters believe they toppled statue of President Bush in New York City" --- Fritz (Unknown)
President Bush has a DUI problem and Susan Estrich says Dukakis will campaign vigorously for John Kerry with the story --- Fritz (Unknown)
NEWS; Dan Rather has documents proving he should be running the Democrat Party --- Fritz (Unknown)
Waiting for the CBS announcement - Can this be an explanation for Dan Rather's "condition"? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Kerry makes astounding speech to union members - female reporter and children pummeled by union thugs --- Fritz (Unknown)
Is there a connection between that Maryland Iraqi agent Lindauer & some posters at TOF? --- Fritz (Unknown)
TOF poster exposes Bush and Carl Rove Union “dirty tricks” Hoax --- Fritz (Unknown)
Senator John Kerry to Concede the Election to President Bush Before Nov. 2 --- Fritz (Unknown)
Old Vet was correct about the outcome of this Presidential election -Kerry may be elected by illegal votes  --- Fritz (Unknown)
PANIC!....The NY Times & Dems fear Bush will produce a captured Osama bin Laden just before the election --- Fritz (Unknown)
An exclusive photo report from TOF --- Fritz (Unknown)
Could this TAP report be referring to the Patriot Forum, or some place else? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Assorted press Internet poster writes an original poem --- Fritz (Unknown)
Democrats want to "criminalize" homeschooling in attempt to aid Teacher's Unions --- Fritz (Unknown)
An interview with Shandra Leer of inside the DC political beltway fame & friend of Hollywood celebrities --- Fritz (Unknown)
DNC's new "Beat Bush, buy a vote for Kerry" campaign fund --- Fritz (Unknown)
“Fostering Unity & Concern” (FUC) survey finds reporters are smarter than President Bush --- Fritz (Unknown)
Shocker: Concerned Scientists Urge Evacuation of Earth – President Bush’s Environmental Policies Blamed --- Fritz (Unknown)
Bush-bashing site blames President Bush for the tsunami - "it's got to be Bush's fault, somehow." --- Fritz (Unknown)
What ever happened to Fiftyeast? --- Fritz (Unknown)
France lodges a formal complaint at the United Nations over new US nickels  --- Fritz (Unknown)
Good news for the Patriot and other crashing political forums - AOL and Microsoft strike a deal that might help --- Fritz (Unknown)
Kennedy and Byrd "enraged" at GOP attempt to stop Democrats from blocking Bush nominees  --- Fritz (Unknown)
In my "15 minutes of fame" I make national news --- Fritz (Unknown)
Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo flop with liberal talk show - 'AIR AMERICA' --- Fritz (Unknown)
The President's "diverse" Easter greetings to Pagans, Pantheists & atheists --- Fritz (Unknown)
Anti-American, anti-national defense, pro-gay liberals will pick new DNC leader in February – TAP Report --- Fritz (Unknown)
The ASSORTED PRESS asks about the Texas question --- Fritz (Unknown)
Saddam Hussein wants an Internet Forum just like TOF --- Fritz (Unknown)
Assorted Press covers "Bob" at anti-Conservative protest (Right Mind version) --- Fritz (Unknown)
Michael Jackson Indicted - Some Democrats Urge Jackson, "A major public figure", to Seek Presidency --- Fritz (Unknown)
John Kerry wants only Supreme Court nominees who have had at least one abortion? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Does John Kerry really want a Muslim as running mate? --- Fritz (Unknown)
Democrats, CNN and the NY Times are shocked and saddened at anything George Bush does --- Fritz (Unknown)
US Supreme Court rules on McDermott allegiance flap; tells Congress to disband --- Fritz (Unknown)
Assorted Press investigative reporter checks into "Worldlyman's" background --- Fritz (Unknown)
Liberal film maker, Michael Moore comes to a tragic end --- Fritz (Unknown)
Troubled Film-Faker Michael Moore snubbed by Disney now fears whale hunters --- Fritz (Unknown)
Nothing much funny in world news today – so Assorted Press will investigate itself --- Fritz (Unknown)
Just watched a bleeding heart PETA spokeswoman on Dennis Miller (CNBC) - she reminded me of this story --- Fritz (Unknown)
New York Times gets idea from the Patriot Forum --- Fritz (Unknown)
Patriot forum posters and NY Times team up to present "Good News" from Iraq --- Fritz (Unknown)
President Bush will appoint Ted Kennedy Defense Secretary in second term --- Fritz (Unknown)
Al Franken & Barbra Streisand to play Bill & Hillary in new CBS series --- Fritz (Unknown)