From an actual News Bulletin; January 12, 2004

 

"Surprising many observers who expected it to shine during election season, all-liberal upstart WLIB (1190 AM) -- base station for Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo -- actually headed south, shedding 15% of its summer audience to finish fall at 24th place in just-released ARBITRONS..."

 

 

From the ASSORTED PRESS:

 

Failing Liberal Talk Show Host Franken Tries to Survive

 

The ASSORTED PRESS

By Blitz Wolfer

Jan. 12, 2005 (TAP) -- No Nationwide liberal talk-radio show has ever succeeded, while numerous conservative hosts have built large audiences.

Last year, with the hope of defeating President Bush's reelection efforts, a group of wealthy Democrat donors had put $10 million behind a plan to start a liberal radio network built on a radical concept. Now this liberal effort is fading away.

According to an internal memo obtained by the Assorted Press twelve months ago, venture capitalists Janet Talia and Phil McCracken along with shady money speculator George Soros came up with what they thought was a good plan to break the liberal radio curse:

1. Get marginal comedians Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo to host along with, "B-list" actors, and defeated liberal politicians.

2. Find ways of describing our liberal ideas that are not repugnant to freedom-loving people.

3. Try to sound more American. Play Star-spangled Banner at start of show, or something.

4. If the above plan fails, bash George Bush and make fun of how he looks and talks.

Unfortunately for the "Air America" talk show, they ran into immediate problems, no one was tuning in.

Apparently there was one viewer of the new liberal talk show who loved it. Overnight ratings from Nielsen had indicated that this person listened throughout the entire show. A Nielsen spokesman said detailed demographic and psychographic data about this listener indicated that he was Mr. Bob Shishka, a Democrat activist from inside the Washington area.

Media experts predict that if "Air America" loses their one fan it could mean lower ratings for the show and they may have to go off the air.

"The good news is there weren't enough episodes made for it to go into re-run syndication," said an unnamed media commentator. "So, once it goes off the air, that's probably rock-bottom for the ratings. For Al Franken and Janeane Garofola, the worst is behind them."

The Assorted Press has learned that Al Franken in a desperate bid to save his talk show host job asked CNN if they would be interested in hiring him as a Conservative to compete with The O'Reilly Factor  on Fox News.

When CNN asked about the difficulty of changing his political stripes, Mr. Franken said, "Hell, I'm not a politician. I'm an entertainer. Frankly, it should be easier to be a wealthy Republican.

 

Copied Rite 2005, The Assorted Press, Fritz and Randolph "citizen Kane" Hearst