Skull of Early Liberal Found in Massachusetts

By The ASSORTED PRESS

July 1, 2004 (TAP) -- Fragments of a hominid skull found in western Massachusetts last month, may be the missing link between apes and bleeding heart liberal-Democrats.

Dubbed "Liberal Man" or Homo Liberalus, the skull features a narrow cranial cavity and boney protrusions along the sides of the eyes. The protrusions give the appearance of blinders, like those used on racing horses.

Evolutionists have long speculated about the possibility of an ape-like ancestor for the modern liberal-Democrat. However, all previously discovered hominid skulls had brain cases so large that they would prohibit the narrow thinking necessary to cling to the Marxist-Socialist theory of politics.

The discovery of Homo Liberalus opens the possibility that even if modern day Democrats didn't evolve from lower life forms, a similarly narrow-minded creature may have once roamed the earth. Some in the scientific community speculate that Liberal Man may have died off when it refused to alter its worldview to face reality.

Assorted Press Science reporter Christian Wright contributed to this report.

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