September 23, 2004 (TAP) -- Desperately seeking any kind of traction, John Kerry today declared that the Bush administration's focus on fighting terrorism distracts the U.S. government from the key issue of real national security -- namely, meat inspection.

Speaking today to the Union of National Meat Inspectors (UNMI) in a park in Frapplesville, Ohio, Senator Kerry said; "The risk of illness or death from meat-borne pathogens is astronomical. Trichinosis, salmonella, E. coli and other deadly agents must be stopped, yet the Bush administration is focused exclusively on his phony war on terrorism when he knows damn well that terrorists don't even export meat to the U.S."

Mr. Kerry paused during his speech when several UNMI thugs pummeled and beat a group of kindergarten children who had wandered into the park playground wearing Bush buttons.

Once the applause for the thugs died down, Kerry continued speaking, "Liberal-Democrats and other Americans are chagrined that Bush has no concern for protecting us where we live, eat and shop."
"There's no way we can fight a two-front war," said Kerry. "We must decide whether it's going to be terrorists, or tenderloin."

When Assorted Press reporter, Ms Ann Chovie, asked several union members whether they believed the subject of union meat inspection was really high on the list of voter's concerns she was beaten, called a fu*king Nazi and chased from the park.

Copied Right 2004, The Assorted Press and der Alte Fritz Inc.