Nonpartisan Political Forum Becomes More Exclusive

Well-known Forum Mandates Additional Procedures for Processing New Members

The ASSORTED PRESS (TAP)

Oct. 12, 2004 (TAP) -- At the entrance way to this exclusive "by  invitation only" nonpartisan political forum one finds the following notice;

 "New members must prove their bona fides before admission to this preferred and bipartisan league of singular ladies and gentlemen."

The forum owner, Mr. O. Contraire, tells our TAP correspondent that with the election only three weeks off and not looking good for John Kerry, he has had to tighten up forum rules and admittance procedures to keep out the riffraff.

"For example, just yesterday," says Mr. Contraire, "I had to shut down long time poster Addam Smyth. I told him, Addam, since I doubt that you have any intention whatsoever of trying to live with the rules, I'm shutting you down, subject to your appeal to the forum police authorities."

"Now that may seem harsh but it's been a popular move with some of our long time regulars like Bluebeard, Cecelia, Blackbird, Shandra and Beasty, all whom I consider to be the heart of this forum."

Assorted Press has learned that the day after shutting down Addam Smyth the forum Security Administration has mandated the following  questions for each  potential poster seeking admission to this exclusive forum.

 1) Would you agree with this statement? "There is not a single cop on this board who likes Bush."

2) Can you agree with this statement? "I see nothing wrong with bashing Bush."

In a further effort to make the forum secure for approved posters TAP has been told that more security procedures will be initiated. Army Ranger trained Forum police in bright vests carrying truncheons will be on patrol asking suspicious looking posters questions like;
"You got some kinda problem?" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know who you're talkin' to?"

NOTE: The above Assorted Press is a parody, all persons named are fictitious characters and have no relation to actual persons or events.

Full disclosure: Fritz Hartmann, editor of the Assorted Press is a current member and poster at the Patriot Forum. He considers Orville Carney a fellow comrade in arms; both being combat veterans who have earned the Infantryman's Combat Badge during honorable war time service in the US Army.