December 30, 2005 (TAP) — The editorial staff at the Assorted Press today announced its top headlines for the coming year of 2006. In our judgment, these are some of the news items which may have the greatest impact on Internet forum posters and other people during the coming year.
Unlike traditional news operations who can only publish after the event, Assorted Press editors and writers are not restricted to covering so-called “real” events, so they can pursue stories that interest them or fit with their own personal political agendas regardless of the facts. Therefore, the newsworthiness of the following headlines is virtually guaranteed.
Russ Walden admits he is actually Donald Trump "slumming" on the Internet
Issodhos admits, "I don't know everything"
9th appeals Court Orders 10 Commandments Removed
from Bible in Car Parked Near Court House
from Bible in Car Parked Near Court House
Old Vet claims Fritz owes him $20 he borrowed in 1945 at the Gasthaus Ehring
Bush Gets Nobel Peace Prize for Uniting Democrat Party
– He provides something liberal and socialist factions can agree on: uncompromising fear and hatred of George W. Bush
– He provides something liberal and socialist factions can agree on: uncompromising fear and hatred of George W. Bush
CinC admits CinC stands for Commander-in-chief, not conservative in college.
Native Americans Launch Rival To New York Stock Exchange
– Biggest Indian Casino Venture Yet
– Biggest Indian Casino Venture Yet
Sandra Price finds God and converts Fritz to Christianity
Homosexual Union Endorses Ted Kennedy After Kennedy Supports Lowering wages of Sin
Diane breaks 2006 new years resolution in January
TEEBONE and Steven Herman are actually one person
-An Apollo-like handsome but modest, muscular and affluent man living in a New York penthouse apartment
Demosthenes admits he did not talk with mouthfuls of pebbles to improve his diction
-it was actually Beechnut chewing tobacco
Judy forms new poetry and politics forum
-Geoff Woolacott declines invitation to join
Tanataj turns down invitation to participate in Log Cabin Republican clam bake and 2006 election victory celebration
Copiedrite 2005, The Assorted Press - printed on recycled copies of the New York Times