| Original Message: She went on Howard Stern's show, so it was obvious what she was doing. Book releases prompt calls from publicists... |
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...that likely go something like this; Goldberg (Publicist): Molly, BABY!! Congrats on the book! Shannon: Thank's Mr. Goldberg!! I'm so EXCITED!! Goldberg: It IS exciting, isn't it!?! You know what's even MORE exciting than publishing a book!?! Shannon: (mystified) Uh...no...what? Goldberg: SELLING a lot of copies of that book to bored, valium addicts looking for cheap thrills... Shannon: ...oh...YEAH, ah...I... Goldberg: Honey, you hired ME, so let me talk, you listen O.K.? I want you to think back on the worst, most embarrassing, disgusting, humiliating thing that happened in that book... Shannon: (thinking) Uh...O.K...uh, alright! It was when... Goldberg: No! Don't tell me...TELL THE PRESS!!! Tell the cameras!! Tell HOWARD STERN!!! Every interview you do, you tell THEM whatever you were just going to tell me. And Ms. Shannon, Molly my sweet... Shannon: Yes, Bernie? Goldberg: You're shy. I love that. Shyness is a very attractive quality - in a LOSER!! You're cute as a button but shyness won't get anyone a BEST SELLER. Remember THAT when they start asking you embarrassing questions - make 'em blush or make 'em vomit, make 'em roll their eyes, make them laugh out loud at your shame...but whatever you do DON'T PUT THEM TO SLEEP!! Shannon; Got it!! I'll do it!! Goldberg: Only one thing - talk about anything no matter what - even if it's a felony (so long as the statute of limitations has lapsed) but Molly my lovely child...whatever else you do, don't talk sh*t about Will Smith...
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